Mar 8, 2016 08:35 AM
No, I didn't miss the anniversary of Debbie's death. As every other year I am acutely aware of what happened. This year I sat and tried to write something, anything, that would convey the undiminished heartache that fills my daily life. I could not do it.
I'd said it all before. Today, am I happy? Yes. On the whole it is a good place to be. My partner Gemma is wonderful and caring. She carries her own burden of loss as I do so understands what it is to be a widow. Unless you are one, you won't know.
The dichotomy is that you mourn your loss yet rejoice in new happiness. That eternal tug of war with your heart doesn't get any easier as time goes on. You just learn to cope. Some days not so well as others. You see, something inside of you is broken: forever clanking in the darkness, too remote to be fixed yet too loud to be ignored.
I was effected very much by Stephen Sutton, the cancer stricken teenager who taught us all that it's not the duration of life that counts, it's what you do with it while you're here. Deb was like that. Not a great charity fundraiser but she used her time well, VERY well. I'm grateful for that...